{"id":674,"date":"2013-07-10T03:20:11","date_gmt":"2013-07-10T03:20:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.firstofallpray.com\/?p=674"},"modified":"2013-08-18T20:56:08","modified_gmt":"2013-08-18T20:56:08","slug":"control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.firstofallpray.com\/?p=674","title":{"rendered":"Control"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part Two<\/p>\n

Among the most destructive attitudes in marriage according to my pastor\u2019s wife is the drive\u2014whether you are the husband or the wife\u2014to always get your way, to win arguments at any cost, or to control your spouse. She teaches that both partners are accountable to fight for<\/i> the marriage, not to dominate<\/em> it. If not dealt with, this mindset will erode and destroy the foundation of what could be a good, solid, and satisfying lifelong relationship for both individuals.<\/p>\n

The quest to control a relationship, however, is not unique to husbands and wives. While I was a teacher, I had a ringside seat to the human drive for dominance over others. During my thirty-two years as an educator, I watched as boys, girls, and teens positioned and maneuvered for control over their peers (and sometimes their teachers!) in every grade I taught, from second through ninth.<\/p>\n

Winners and losers in the power game unfortunately continue to emerge\u2014without anyone giving it a second thought\u2014throughout society, with both genders, at every age, among all races and ethnicities, and indeed, even among Christians. This desire to be right, to be better than others, to be top dog, is so prevalent that we don\u2019t even blink an eye when we observe it. Strategies are employed to ensure that \u201cI\u201d come out on top and that \u201cI\u201d craft a winning persona. Little thought is ever given to the ones who may be hurt or destroyed so that \u201cI\u201d can secure \u201cmy\u201d rightful place as the best, the brightest, the prettiest, the funniest, or the\u00a0most powerful\u00a0of all.<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s where it gets really weird. We can sometimes cop the same attitude with God! Have you ever caught yourself viewing Him as an accessory to your own success? OUCH! Have you ever spent time in prayer declaring to God how you<\/em> will become the most anointed, most beloved, most amazing, most prosperous person this generation (or church)\u00a0has seen? These attitudes very likely originate from the same place that playground \u201cpecking orders\u201d come\u2014from the drive to rise above others so you can get the recognition and success you feel you so “rightfully deserve”.<\/p>\n

Such desires are not birthed by the Holy Spirit and are not in accordance with the heart of God. That\u2019s why when such praying is not actualized, it is due to God\u2019s love for the one seeking the \u201cbump up\u201d. It\u2019s His will to form Christ within all of us\u2014in our thinking, attitudes, desires, and behaviors. He refuses to undermine His supreme purpose for our lives\u00a0by handing out superficial success—like a genie—to anyone who craves or demands it.<\/p>\n

Think about this: when one partner in a marriage refuses to be a doormat to the other\u2014while at the same time remaining faithful to his or her vows to love, honor, and cherish\u2014the lust for control is met head on. Despite the accusations of the demanding partner to the contrary, the\u00a0husband or wife who lovingly refuses to be manipulated or controlled is actually walking the love walk.<\/p>\n

In my Christian walk, if\u00a0I do not yield my\u00a0frustration and anger to God when things don’t go my way and allow Him to redirect me, then I just might strike out in vengeful self-righteousness at anyone who I perceive as standing in my way. In my desire to\u00a0be in control, I\u00a0may stop at nothing—including ruining the reputation of others—to\u00a0justify my indignation at not getting my way.<\/p>\n

When God does not help me to fulfill my driving desire to have my way, however,\u00a0it is truly a wonderful opportunity for me to reassess my personal motives and methods. He doesn\u2019t condemn me for being a control freak; instead, He lovingly reproves, corrects, and redirects me. At this point, if I yield to His grace and seek His <\/i>will (not mine), I can patiently anticipate rising up in His<\/em> timing\u00a0to fulfill all that He<\/em> has ordained for me to fulfill.<\/p>\n

Neither bullying control nor nagging harping\u00a0are\u00a0endorsed by the Word of God\u00a0for marriage—not for husbands, nor for wives. And when it comes to\u00a0my relationship with God, I have a choice to make. Will I yield to Him and joyfully embrace and take part in His precepts and purposes for my life\u00a0OR will I petulantly insist on my own<\/em> plan and nag Him incessantly to do what I<\/em> think He should do throughout the rest of my time on this planet?<\/p>\n

The choice is up to each individual.<\/p>\n